im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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