ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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