Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
