dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think my moral compass just broke
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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