I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
