This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
