I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
