I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
