dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
