would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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