It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
