sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
