Duck Duck Cougar?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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