I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
