yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
