Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
