i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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