I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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