Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
