i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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