I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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