I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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