Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
