sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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