Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can you bring me the toilet please
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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