I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize