nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
