I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
