Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
