I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize