we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
