I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
