My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
