All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she looked like the before picture.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
