I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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