i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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