Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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