The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
