i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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