If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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