I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
