fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
