You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Randomize
