I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
