This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
