Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
