I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize