I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
