the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
