I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
