I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
