The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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