He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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