He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
