Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
