The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
