The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
