Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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