Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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