Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
50% drunk capacity currently
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
