I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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