just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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