My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also, beer. Big fan.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
