you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
