i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
