im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I love having hate sex.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
