Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
