that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
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