Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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