I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
