bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??