Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.