roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins