Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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