From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night