theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..