she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
