blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
