I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
