her vagine was all disorganized.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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