Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
