well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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