dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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