I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
