I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
