so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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